I don’t know if anyone else gets like this, but when I get a shiny, new, blank notebook I am always full of anxiety about starting to write something in it. Sometimes the notebook, or agenda, itself is just so beautiful, I think, “Wouldn’t it be nice to not spoil the beauty and leave it blank? Maybe frame it?”And often, I am so full of hope and anticipation about what that blank space holds for me in the future, that it’s almost like I might burst a precious bubble by opening it too soon.

I have notebook, upon notebook, in a drawer upstairs that have nothing written in them because I was too anxious to take that first step. I feel like nothing I could write, doodle or put in there could live up to the expectations I have put upon that space. There’s such a fragility attached to a new blank writing space that sometimes it’s just too much for my little soul to handle. A whisper of a promise of what’s to come, what I could create. It’s so overwhelming.

And sometimes, that’s how I feel about this blog, too. I always like to start off a new calendar year with a post. Something to marke the passage of time. Since I’m someone who tends to think of her years starting between August and September, I don’t hold the same weight about January 1st that others do. I do sometimes feel that flurry of anticipation that I get with a new journal and I am actually quite giddy about it being 2013 because I love the number 13.

So I’m blogging. And I want to try and blog more and update stupid facebook less. All these events last year I was certain I’d blogged about – I didn’t. I’d written about them elsewhere and not in my own, personal, space. That’s going to change in 2013. I am going to journal like I used to.

And I’m going to start off by writing about how I ended 2012. Simply. With loved ones.

Since we had a major snowfall right after Christmas, we’re constantly shoveling the back deck and the front steps. The back deck especially because if it’s not shovelled, Sophie seems to think she can pee there and not go down the stairs to the yard. Sigh. Oh, Sophie. But because we’ve had so much snow, we’re sort of doomed when it comes to the rest of winter because we already have snow piles higher than our deck out back. Sophie thinks this is a hoot, though. Her new favourite game is Queen of the Mountain. She’ll bound all the way up, and dig once at the top and keep everyone away. It’s HER mountain.

I could probably just hop back on the deck from here…

RRRorrrrooOOOOooooo! Your Queen speaks!

Where Jinx’s Garden used to be now stands a snow pile slightly lower than the one in front of the deck. Jinx was brave enough to climb to the top of that one and try to de-throne Her Majesty, but she wasn’t having any of that.

That’s right, you’d better bow before me. And stop biting my feets when you’re down there, minion!

So Jinxy decided that his favourite place to play in the yard was on the shovelled deck. He’s getting old I guess. He’s filling the Annie “I’ll just be over here eating all of the snow. Nom nom nom” role. Annie used to stay on the deck and Jinx used to galloomph through the snow in the yard. He’s a little more fragile now and thinks the snow is way too cold. This from the dog who used to dig himself a hole in the snow, in the farthest corner of the yard and just lay out there for HOURS when he was a youngun’.

And then last night, I did something I haven’t done on New Year’s Eve in ages… I went out. With Shawn. We went to a friend’s place who threw together a last minute gathering and we rang in the New Year surrounded by friends. We had party hats and others had noisemakers. (Put two horn guys in a room with little noise makers and contests ensue about who can hold the longest horn blast. Add in a competitive girl friend and you have a triad of horn blowers. Then you get the Jazz guys trying to alter the reeds their dollar store horns to give them the better advantage. It was hilarious. And loud. But mostly hilarious.)

It’s rare we’re in photos together.

I was extra excited to get to see Elise and Jason last night, too. Since they moved away at the end of summer I have missed them dearly. Especially Elise in the office. She used to be a desk away from me and made working a lot more fun. They were in town for the holidays and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to see them. So Elise, Maureen and I were reunited just in time to welcome in 2013!

Hanging out on New Year’s Eve is so much better than being on a picket line. Word.

And there was so much food! So much delicious food! When Steph throws a party, last minute or not, it’s like walking into a Home Decor magazine. Seriously.

I was embarrassingly beyond excited about the deviled eggs. Yum.

Even though Shawn and I left a little after it hit midnight (past my bedtime, after all) and the others all stayed and danced and drank and ate for hours afterwards, I had a great time with some of my favourite people. I am happy I said YES to the invitation and I didn’t back out. I wore a party hat, held a cocktail glass full of water up high and yelled out the countdown from 10 with a group of friends that make me laugh. I love my friends. I love my friends’ significant others. I love friends of my friends. I love my husband. I am going to cling to this warm and fuzzy feeling and try and focus on all the things and people I LOVE this coming year. Even though I make most of my life changes in the fall, I want to try and live a much more positive life. I miss the innocence and lack of cynicism I used to have. Everywhere I look there’s so much negative and it’s wearing me down. I really want to try and make an effort to add more positive into the world and my every day life.

What better way to get that started than having a night of laughter and fun with friends I love.

Happy new year, my friends.