Good grief, this cold/flu virus thing I have is driving me batty. I have no voice, can’t swallow, ear pain still has NOT gone away from the 6th of February and now I have this stupid cough.

I went back to the walk-in clinic yesterday only to be told it was just a virus and there’s still no infection anywhere. Which I thought was frustrating since my throat had swollen so much I could hardly breathe. It was like I was having some sort of anaphylactic reaction to something. But no, it looked fine.

I know I am not the only one whose been suffering from this strange forever-long virus. A lot of people have been wiped out by it at work and in my family. Only I’ve been home two days this week because of it and I couldn’t get a note from the doctor so I will have to claim all these days as sick days. Bah.

I go in to work if it’s not that bad, even though you’re torn between spreading the germs around the office and calling in sick when you have a ton to do. Only this is BAD. I try to talk, if it doesn’t come out like a dying frog, I am choking from trying to speak. I feel run down and disgusting and the pain from my ear and throat are so bad it’s just hard to concentrate on anything.

Luckily I have a great boss who was all “So.. no one wants your virus so just stay home”. She understands. And she knows how guilty I feel when I have to call in.  And I do. It comes from always being a sickly child and young adult. I used to have such bad illnesses that I missed a lot and people started to resent me for it. And it’s not like I was faking, but I was sick. People who don’t get sick a lot don’t understand those who DO. It’s hard a lot of the times.

As I got older it took a lot more for me to stay home. Since I was always in pain I just started to learn to suck it up even though I would spend much of my day puking my guts out in the bathroom. (Lovely visual, huh?) But I started to do that to avoid the scorn and resentment I would get from staying home.

Especially with this job. I actually like going into work even though I dislike administrative work, but I really enjoy working where I do and I love the people I work with. And we’re always busy. Everything is top priority and so on. So missing something makes me feel bad. Even though I am told it’s ok, it’s not life or death. I need to take the time I need to get better.

It’s not like I’m going to take a month off to wait until the last sniffle is gone (oh, how I WISH though!) but two days in a row, which I very obviously need during our spring break isn’t going to break the bank. And it’ll help me immensely in the long run and though I know it’s not my bosses’ dream to not have me there I know they would rather I be there in health and a) not infect them and b) be able to do my job without collapsing on the floor from illness.

But still, I want this to go away. It’s been a month already! And if you add in the head cold I got the first week of January that never really went away – it’s been TWO! This is also cutting into my gym going because I can’t jump around for 30 mins every 2-3 days if I am about to fall on the floor in a coughing fit or from light-headdedness!

On the plus side, the last two weeks I have had a very diminished appetite, though when I do eat it’s been lousy stuff. But I am hoping the lack of eating will keep some of the weight off that I am not countering with my exercise.

I think these two days will leave me with 2 sick days until the end of May. That always makes me panic, because if this gets worse again I’m going to be screwed soon. Hmm. GO AWAY ALREADY!