It really just feels like yesterday that Jinx arrived in our lives all tiny and fluffy. Jinx turning 5 today means that in 4 months we’ll have been married for 5 years. Wow. Time sure flies and a hell of a lot of things have happened in those 5 years.
Our baby turns 5 which is hard to get in our heads. He still acts very puppy-ish and has the same puppy expressions he had at 4 months old. Heck, we still CALL him Jinx Puppy.
Timid, good natured, hater of everything squirrel and a great soccer player, that’s our Jinx.
Some said that naming him such would cause us nothing but trouble but they were wrong. Aside from the Chewing & Digging Year (which we thankfully spent living with my in-laws so he got all of that out of his system then!) Jinx has been a wonderful dog. He’s gentle and inquisitive, and really, unless you are a squirrel, he won’t ever show any aggression. He really, really hates those squirrels though.
And now Jinx is two years away from being considered a senior in the dog world. I can’t imagine Jinx ever seeming like a senior citizen, he’s still got way too much puppy in him.
Big ol’ milestone this 5th birthday.
And next week I have to live with the fact that my Annabelly is turning 12! Where does the time go??
stay awake with me
’cause I can’t face these ghosts alone
3AM how I know you well
when the silence is so loud
it’s deafening
there’s a rock in my stomach
weighing heavy on my soul
I am
my own worst
enemy
If I can
destroy this
I will
haven’t felt this way in a while
haven’t felt this way
and for every second step I take
there’s a stumble, there’s a fall
and no matter how fast or furious I go
I feel I’ll never get there at all
save me from the dark
save me from the dark
I am
my own worst
enemy
If I can
destroy this
I will
when you can’t breathe
’cause there’s no oxygen
and the world’s dark, the room spins
you open your mouth to scream
but there’s no sound
the silence is killing me
save me from myself
save me from my self
I am my own worst
and I will destroy this
I will
when the night fall
lies become truths
that little voice inside
promises I’m losing you
I’m drowning, I’m floating
suffocating so far away from peace
I am
my own worst
enemy
(save me from myself)
and if I can
destroy this
I will
(save me from myself)
Not that I really thought I wouldn’t, but you know. I’m having some blurry issues, but I was told that was normal as my eyes heal and the swelling goes down. Swelling I can’t even see that I have, but I’ll take their word for it. I can’t be on the computer too long, but I thought I would update quickly.
So I was apprehensive about leaving, but my Dad picked me at up at 11:30 for my 11:45 am appointment. He was nice enough to wait around until I had filled out the paperwork and was pointed in the direction of the other waiting room. Yeah, that was almost an hour and a half AFTER my scheduled time. Once I was pointed to the other waiting room and was told it would be about 15 minutes, my father went off for lunch and to do some errands only to come back and find me STILL WAITING TO SEE THE DOCTOR. Hmm.
I got there at 11:40 and I left with my eyes all lasered at close to 4PM. No wonder they tell you to allow a 3-4 hour block of time it takes bloody forever to see anyone!! The procedure itself was 10 minutes and then I waited 45 before being seen by an optometrist to make sure everything was fine. And it was.
Like my spiffy shades? I had to wear them all night and inside the house last night. Today and tomorrow I only need to wear them outside and I will wear them to sleep once more tonight. This was me waiting to see the person who would examine my eyes 45 minutes after the surgery. My father had already been out and back to pick up my prescription eye drops.
I have a lot of eye drops.
Four different ones. Some I take every two hours, one every hour, two 4 times a day and then it changes again tomorrow and one I only take at night and one more becomes 4 times a day.
They gave me a chart with boxes to check off!
Today’s 9:20AM appointment meant that someone finally called me some time around 10:20. I got home at 11:00 am from this one. Shawn dropped me off and my sister and Mum met me there and waited with me to drive me home. Aside from really dry eyes (which I told them I had in the first place) I am healing just fine and everything looks perfect. The dryness is causing some of the extra blurring and it’s mostly in my right eye so that’s why the drops for increased for today and tomorrow.
I go back in two weeks. And as long as I keep my eyes well lubricated I should be over the blurry when I look at anything written (far or near) in a week max. Anyone out there have any other opinion on that?
I had a really nice surgeon too. Everyone there is fantastic and I guess they have to remain that way due to the fact that waiting around for your appointments is SO BLOODY LONG. You’d think paying for something would get you less wait time, although I think they multiple book people and take you first come first serve. Eh. Whatever. I just know that my next appointment for 3:30 means I’ll get home in time to watch dinner and the news.
That’s the sound the lasers shooting out of my eyes are going to make after my appointment tomorrow at lunch time!
I am both terrified and excited about this LASIK appointment.
I am out of sorts tonight. Feeling fragile from the anxiety earlier in the month and the nerves about the procedure tomorrow. I am full of What Ifs?
What if something goes wrong and I am blinded for life?
What if my retinas fall off?
What if my eyes don’t heal and stay flappy? Ew.
But at the same time I am going to go to bed tonight and put my glasses on the nose of the little ceramic dog for the last time EVER. I will keep that little ceramic dog because my mother made him and my grandparents used him for their glasses. But I will never have to take glasses off before bed again. (Ok, so I’ll have to sleep in goggle-type things for a night or two once this is done, but that’s different!)
I am amazed at how many people I know have had this surgery. Not one person has said anything negative about it. I have been told by everyone that this was the best decision they have ever made in their entire lives.
At 11:30 my parents will pick me up and drive me to the LASIK MD office and at 11:45 I’ll be called in to, I don’t know fill out papers? Sign things? And then at some point in the 3 hour block I will have the laser eye surgery thing and will hopefully be able to see without my glasses.
It’s sort of a cool thing if you think about it. It’s not a flying car or robot maid or anything, but it’s pretty neat that you can have a 5 minute procedure to get rid of glasses for ever.
But I am scared. I might have to pop a Xanax to get to sleep tonight even though I have been doing much better in the last week with the panic attacks.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Perhaps I’ll be writing a blog post tomorrow evening with fancy new laser eyes.
I am really hoping I’ll gain the ability to vaporize people with just a glare after all this is said and done. That would be AWESOME.
Last night we went out to eat (where I had the best burger and garlic mashed potatoes!) and as we were leaving the house after 5:30 this was the sky:
I was so in awe of the sky it took my breath away. My ever wonderful husband, who totally gets me, said as he locked the front door. “Do you want to take a picture?” YES! I exclaimed, but my camera was inside. “Well, that’s why I was asking,” he replied, “I’ll open the door again so can run in and get your camera!”
I love him. I really do.
I couldn’t get a good shot though as my batteries were dying. The zoomed version I took came out blurry (which I only noticed this morning when I copied the photos to Molly the Laptop).
When I finished taking my photos (not many what with the dying camera and all) I turned around and Shawn was just standing by my car door with it open for me to get in the car. He always opens and closes my car door for me. He’s such a gentleman!
I almost asked him to drive in the complete opposite direction to get me closer to the river so I could get a better shot, but with the dying camera and the feeling of starvation we both had we just drove on over to the restaurant.
With all the anxiety I have been having this month, I am finding the sky to be very calming. I’m going to have to start walking at dusk with my camera to try and capture the sun sets. Sun rise is also beautiful but sadly it comes during my prime sleeping time!
